mattress dungeon

girl you need a home

the best place to hide secretsis in plain sightlike this plain sitei couldn’t pay you to readthe secret:i still love youdespite your disinterestglad you’ve found somethingthat can fill your heart maybe somedayi’ll be able to look at youwithout seeing a weapon

cassavetes says he isn’t taking my calls anymore

suppose there’s a point of pointlessnesswhere complaining just puts you inone of those obligating positionsand low-maintenance seems bestbut lo it is lonely waiting againbitches i’m back to havingnothing but some bit partof someone else’s lowlife hearts want what hearts wantwhat hearts want what heartswant what hearts want whatheart wants the consolation kisswhich creates no differencebetweenContinue reading “cassavetes says he isn’t taking my calls anymore”

and we are all dehydrated

i could so effectively eraseevery aspect of my presencenon-tactile and undrinkablewithout giving notice always a warm bed waitingarms to grasp &lungs to gasphair tangled from correspondence made flesh angel singingi am the only one nowi am the only one nowi am the only one now i am the only one now none of this makesContinue reading “and we are all dehydrated”

the comedown

i started writing somethinglast night in bed listening to him breathebut the nature of the thing isyou forget everything you wanted to saylost in the ring of pain in your teethlost in the nausea& the nosebleed i am so angry at peoplewhen they let themselves downwho the fuck are youto throw water on your fireContinue reading “the comedown”

Some Things Are Worth Fighting For And This Is One Of Them

Originally posted on D. B. DEVILLIERS:
It’s more than a little tired at this point to go after that old cliché that it’s always better being younger than older but I’m still young enough to do it what happens is you learn things you learn what everyone learns: that life has a nasty tendency to…

another airplane

i will do everything i can to be near youup to and including chuggingthis 24oz natty daddy in bedso i can sleep a little whileand wake up (hopefully)to permission grantedor request denied i know i knowhow much you value your spaceespecially on sober daysi am good at staying quieti am good at listening to silencebutContinue reading “another airplane”

that bitch reading bukowski at the laundromat

everyone’s sickof hearing about the pandemicbut the laundry’s still gotta get doneit’s almost a mile to walkcloudy and windy, chance of rainand there are violets bloomingand kids out in their yardsand some guy grilling somethingthat smells amazingand a fat man with a bulging ruckwho waves and tells methe laundromat is crowded but most people thereContinue reading “that bitch reading bukowski at the laundromat”

on waking alone

the old routines feel strange and emptycold coffee, yella dog, thick bookscaring for sick roommatesso surreal wearing my life againlike an old jacket that feelsnot wrong but different things changednow i share a roomwith thousands of peoplemade of millions of wordsand i’m always hungrywith nothing to eat i couldn’t have predictedhow easily i could slideintoContinue reading “on waking alone”

just over here, you know, digesting

so yeah i could sit here& write some kinda emo opusabout how fucked up it isthat i’m not fucked up enoughbut eh life’s back to normal i guessi bit my nails back down to bleeding& cried until i could laugh oh youyou are the hardest pill to swallowsorry about ye olde gag reflextruer words &Continue reading “just over here, you know, digesting”

dear blood, or: thoughts while listening to you snore

there was thismoment when we locked eyesmy arm bracedaround the doe’s limp neckand we lifted her togetherto spill blood and gutson the patioi felt my insides shiftwith herssomething changedeverything changedi told you this beforeyou went back to sleepsayin oh honey baby oh honey girlwhat to do what to do excepthold you again there is aContinue reading “dear blood, or: thoughts while listening to you snore”