conventional wisdom says
no matter how much you cry
tears won’t wash away
the sweetness of a good kiss
i’m an emotional connoiseur
and crying beats kissing
most days of the week
still: there were things
i loved that haunt me
last night a dark form
climbed into my dreams
and held me in place
while i screamed for help
i woke up shaken and
wondering if it was you
changed from tender
to cruel and restrictive
conventional wisdom says
missing you is understandable
i take apart what made me
happiest and try to find ways
to keep the trees and freedom
and confidence and softness
divorced of you, placed in me
conventional wisdom says
this is good this is right
i was afraid i suppose that
happiness only exists when
gifted from a generous soul
but i suppose you weren’t
really all that generous
and after all i can be so very
very generous to myself
generous enough to let myself
cry whenever i want to
without worrying if my feelings
will bother you or anyone
generous enough to laugh
generous enough to sing
generous enough to love
mattress dungeon 