the problem, always
is the diminishing returns
& at some point you find yourself
in the wee hours drinking wine &
cutting lines to sun kil moon
while the beautiful ones sleep
as if you couldn’t close your own eyes
but you’re hundreds of miles
from anyone who’s ever really given a shit
you could call & get another talk
about worry & your blood pressure
or you could just pour another glass
cut another line
and the truth when you come down to it
is nothing’s worked as well as this
the spiders in your brain are slowly spinning
in patterns you can parse
& it’s okay, for once, to be quiet
if you can ignore the nausea
or just puke & get it over with
you’ve never particularly craved glamour
you understand why jay used the second person
you avoid mirrors and sharp objects
as a general rule this has been helpful
yet here you are & you are
more recognizable than ever
hello stranger
i am sorry to bother you this way
surely you did not expect such a barrage
but i like to talk to strangers
& i think maybe you can understand
i bet mark kozelek has done some drugs
he seems to grasp the need
for softness on the comedown
i need words, i crave words
& my lovers have loud hands
& silent mouths
but heart cannot bargain with mind
so tonight i’m feeding my nose
& this cat
& listening to mark
& talking to you
i hope you are well
i truly hope you are well
i am well
i promise
mattress dungeon 