waking up with that american sadness

half the audience left at intermission
because they only came
to support that one comic
who did a bit about cock & ball torture
and somehow made it racist
segueing into how he wants
to best gacy at murdering
and i’m the asshole who booked him

couple years ago i had time
to fill after a last-minute drop
so we did this piece called
“sometimes you try your best
& everything goes to shit anyway”
like let’s put a pin in my
terminal half-assery
but this time i really worked myself
half to death and here we are
anyway it was different every night
always improvised
and it turned out great every time

reprise: preface: introduction
i’m onstage fingerpainting myself
to a soundtrack of my drunk-as-hell friend
reading a poem and the paint
gets dusty as it dries
grin & bear it & wear it & share it
snapsnapsnapsnapsnap
reprise: i drew all these flags
to make a point i’m pretty sure got lost
under the spectacle but the spectacle
was kinda the point but who
the fuck analyzes art anymore anyway
realizing at a vulnerable moment
my stage name sounds like an ego trip
if i’m up there reading poetry
snapsnapsnapsnapsnap
dead silence someone please
make a sound play some music
get the boss in here or i might lose
my shit completely please i’m
begging you don’t
strand me out here without noise

the girl who hates being touched
runs backstage & throws her arms
around my smeared shoulders
fuck me i would burn the world
for her in that moment
jesus girl i’m about to weep
a whole river of melted flags
right onto your perfect fucking face
the room is green and i am
red white blue and grey
color theory y’all
mix em up and they turn
to marbled stone that cracks
when your skin moves
and i can’t stand still long
enough to be a heartbeat statue

cut & run but my sweater’s still
draped on a chair so i say yes
come pick me up
i say let’s
never speak of this again
he says why
does this all hurt so bad
both choking on our fumbled
Statements
freedom of speech
does not ensure courage
or eloquence

sometimes you do your best
& everything goes to shit anyway