we can’t have a rational conversation
about all the fun ways my hurt manifests
of course it’s easier when i’m leaning hedonist
& i’m so enjoyable when i’m drunk
but here i am
waking up with a heart full of hate
gagging on nightmares
& i just can’t find the exit
the less i love myself
the more you do
but nobody will ever give enough
to make up the difference
there are ways to manage disgust
there are ways to measure distrust
but i don’t trust the measure
& i’m disgusted by my managed heart
wouldn’t it be nice to let go for a while
if i’m gonna be ashamed anyway
i might as well earn it
i got so fucking romantic
i can’t apologize
o true apothecary
thy drugs aren’t fucking quick enough
maybe if i quit sleeping
i could go crazy again
maybe i’d meet jesus this time
my religion doesn’t promise second comings
& it’s getting lonely
without a second presence
mattress dungeon 